Really, I'm FINE!

Joshua 1:9 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

9 Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Sometimes, we just have to remember that it is okay to be scared, even if we are Christians. When I outlined this devo I did not think it would be that long. After I started writing I realized that it would be much longer so I've decided to divide it into two parts. 

People with cancer, or any other really bad illness, always respond differently to what is happening to them. You can have two people, sometimes even in the same family, go through the same experience and handle it very different ways. 

The first thing I tend to do is pretend that I have it all together. This is usually accompanied by a never ending chorus of "I'm fine", even though those of us going through this really aren't fine at all. The hardest part about this coping mechanism is that we eventually begin to believe our own lies. We aren't lying to hurt anyone, quite the opposite in fact. We usually think that we are helping those around us avoid unnecessary stress by telling them that we are okay. 

This isn't the type of okay that comes with resting in God's grace - some people do have that in their lives - so I don't want you to think that everyone that claims to be okay is actually not and is hiding something.  

However, a lot of people that claim to be doing fine really aren't. It's an avoidance tactic. This is used to make others feel better or not worry, but it is also an avoidance tactic for the individual going through it. If I can convince everyone that I am alright, that the fear of the cancer or even of the treatment is not that bad, then it must really be okay, right? I know that I personally found myself doing this with concerned people who would ask me how things were going. In my mind since my cancer wasn't as bad as others (I only had to have a lumpectomy) , and neither was my treatment (I only had radiation, not chemo), I didn't feel that I had a right to be scared, tired, or any other negative emotion. My husband was the one who caught me saying one day, "Mine's not that bad, so I really don't have a reason to complain." He gently tried to convince me that no matter what level it was, this was still a very big deal, and as a human I very much had the right to be anxious, scared, worried, and many other emotions just so that I could process everything. It's very similar to a grieving process in a way, you are just grieving your health. 

To me the next logical part of this coping mechanism is once I felt finally felt safe and could not hold it in anymore I would usually collapse and cry until I could barely breathe. Instead of dealing with it in small amounts this tactic makes harder because it is all done in bursts usually far apart. Think about a balloon. The balloon is you and the air going in is stress. If you just continually put air into the balloon it eventually can't hold it all and will pop. In much the same way we do or don't handle stress in our lives. However, if that balloon had air put into it, but then also regularly had some air released, then it would not pop. We, especially those of us who think we are very strong women, need to realize that it is very okay to not have all the answers, and it's definitely okay to cry sometimes when our bodies really want to. (I was raised to not want to cry or show weakness in front of others, and have unknowingly created two daughters just like me in that regard.) We have to feel our emotions before we can process them and work through them. Pretending that everything is fine and suppressing our fears and emotions will just eventually cause us to pop. 

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (HCSB)

8 Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me. 9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power[a] is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. 10 So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

The verses above are Paul expressing his own problems with a "thorn" in his flesh.  Some preachers and teachers may try to tell you that if you are a believer that everything is going to be all sunshine and roses. If you read the Bible you will realize quickly that this is not the case. Sometimes God chooses in his mercy to spare people from either getting sick in the first place or to miraculously heal them after they have been sick. However, sometimes the illness continues and instead He just promises us that He will be with us every step of the way. 

One of the verses that I clung to while going through my treatment was the end of verse 10, "For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

I had never felt more weak than I did at times during my diagnosis and treatment, so this verse was a lifeline for me to realize that I did not have to be strong, God promised to do that for me and He is so much more capable.

Action Points:

1. Have you found yourself saying, "I'm fine," when you really are not? Commit to telling one person this week how you really, honestly feel. This also needs to be a weekly commitment (at least), not just a one time thing. 
2. How has your prayer life been this week? Commit to praying for a minimum of 5 minutes per day. Tell God how you really feel. It won't be a surprise to Him, He already knows. But admitting your feelings to God will also help you  address them and open you up for the Holy Spirit to work in you and help you deal with your emotions and fears. 

As always, if you have any questions or want to share anything that may help others, please feel free to leave a comment below. 

Thanks, and God Bless, 

Kay

Why cancer?

I called to the Lord in my distress,

and I cried to my God for help.

From his temple he heard my voice,

and my cry to him reached his ears.

Psalm 18:6 CSB

I remember wondering why?

There were several other things going on in my life at the same time as my diagnosis. It was a few months after my mother passed away. The same day that I got my biopsy confirmation of cancer my brother had passed away very unexpectedly in the early morning hours. 

I remember thinking that my family and I were already dealing with so many things at once, how could we possibly deal with this on top of everything else? 

Now, I don't know about you, but the moment I started thinking these things I immediately felt guilty. I knew of so many other people who had been tasked with walking this path, how did I not think I might be one of them? 

The phrase "God won't give you more than you can handle," happens to be a mis-statement in my opinion. I firmly believe that a lot of times he specifically gives us more than we can handle ourselves because it forces us to lean on him more than we were doing before. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.”Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. 10 So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.2 Corinthians 12:9-10 CSB

In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Paul is saying that he will not be ashamed of his weakness, because his weakness gives Christ more room to be strong to accomplish God's will. 

My personal biggest take away from this was the fact that, like Job, whatever comes to me has been filtered or sifted through God's hands first. Sometimes it is still something that I think is bad, or even horrible, scary even sometimes, but that doesn't change the fact that God is allowing it to happen. And, this is important, since I know God loves me I can know that even if I believe something is bad then He can still use it for His good and His glory. 

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our affliction,[b] so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 CSB

I can not tell you why specifically God allowed me to have cancer, nor can I tell you why you or a loved one had or has cancer either. However, in my own life I have seen how leaning on God through my journey has helped me grow closer and rely so much more on Him than I was before - and I'd honestly thought I was doing a pretty good job before this happened!  

As I went down my own journey of doctors appointments and healing, of learning how to deal with my new "normal", as I learned that I had to stop and rest and rely on others for help, I do believe that God opened my eyes a little to see more of what was going on around me. My local church and people that I'd worked with in the past checked up on me and my family, whether a Facebook message, a phone call, text, or even bringing dinner after my surgery. I saw Christ work through the care of these people. 

I was also able to talk to a few people who had something health related come up after my cancer did. Knowing that I had been through something hard made the comfort and encouragement that I tried to give seem more genuine. I wasn't just saying God would be there because I believed He would, I was saying it because I'd been there and I knew He would. I'd been a eye witness to God's love in my own life. 

So, how are you doing today? Do me a favor- if someone asks you that, please tell them the truth. You don't have to say "fine" if you really aren't. Please, find someone to talk to that you can be "real" with. Someone who is deeply rooted in the faith and can help steer you back to the love and peace of God, and still be a shoulder to cry on when needed. 

Action Points:

I have 2 separate tasks for you, depending on which side of this you are on:

1. If you have cancer, please make a list of at least 3 people that you know you can talk to, that love God, and that can talk to you at least twice a week while you are going through this. 

2. If you have not been personally affected by cancer, do you know someone who has? How can you be there for that person? Even if you have not been close before, a simple message asking how they are doing coming from a genuine heart can mean a lot to people. And please, don't stop after the surgery, or the radiation, or the chemo. As someone who is now 1 year after surgery I can attest to the fact that some of my worst times were after it was "over" and the world seemed to have gone back to normal, but I had not. 

Please leave any comments down below if you have any questions. I will get back to you within a few days at the most. 

Thank you, and have a blessed week!

Love, 

Kay

Do you believe in the God we are talking about?

If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.  
Romans 10:9

The very first place I want to start is by asking you if you are a Christian. A bunch of Christian devotions are not going to be of much help to anyone who does not believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. It will just be a bunch of nice sayings. 

In Matthew 14:25-33 we see the story of Jesus- and for a time, Peter- walking on water. In verse 29 Peter is walking on the water towards Jesus. Great! But, in verse 30 Peter saw the wind and became afraid, and he began to sink. 

Would this story have ended differently if Peter had not taken his eyes, and therefore his focus, off of Jesus?

If you are a Christian, please do not let this time of heavy winds and the storm of cancer make you take your focus off of Christ. Cling closer to Him! 

When our eyes, minds, and eventually our hearts get far away from Jesus then our lives will be filled with anxiety and worry. 

Put your focus, time and attention, on the great physician himself to be with you during this time. 

If you are NOT a Christian, or you are not sure, I encourage you to read Romans 10:9-13 .  Find a trustworthy friend or church staff member if you have deeper questions. If you comment with questions here, I will try to respond. 

God bless!  

~Kay

I'm stuck with pink!

Hello there!  Welcome to my blog.

When I was growing up I was always more of a tomboy than a girlie-girl, and that started my lifelong dislike for the color pink. Don't get me wrong, adult me knows that there is nothing wrong with the color pink at all, however younger me felt like people were trying to put me in a cutesy little box that I did not belong in if they ever gave me anything pink.

Yet, here I am today, with pink ribbon things all over the place that people have given to me.

As my kids would say, "Oh how the turn tables...."

Have you or has someone you know been diagnosed with cancer? It can be an extremely challenging time, even in the life of a Christian.

I was diagnosed at the age of 39 by circumstances that had to be all God's love and grace. An overseas opportunity required that everyone in my family get a physical. Due to the poor health care in the area we were planning on moving to, and my age, my doctor recommended that I get a baseline mammogram on file while still in the states.  I told them that I would as long as my insurance would pay for it.

I will forever thank God that I took the doctor's advice. I had no symptoms and never felt anything abnormal during self exams.

I was very fortunate- I can not deny that. My cancer was caught at Stage 1 and after surgery we were able to confirm that it had not spread through any lymph nodes. I had a lumpectomy, auxiliary lymph node removal, and 20 days of radiation.

I realize that there are many people out there who have had, or are having, a much more trying time than I did. Still, I learned a lot going through my cancer. Now, a year after surgery, if I can help encourage even one person to lean heavily on God when nothing else makes sense, then that's worth it all.

Devotions are planned to come up once per week, probably on the weekend.

Thank you, and God bless each of you!

~Kay

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